Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Letting go.....not easy....but necessary!
Leaving my mom for school was very terrifying for me. I was very attached to my mom. I felt that we needed each other. I was perfectly fine with the fantasy of missing school and cuddling with my mom all day! I always had a need to be with mom. I missed her when she was not around. As a child, first day of school was always an anxious day for me. As an adult, first day of school for each of my children has been equally anxious! Once again, I have a first grader who started school. The anxiety grew within me while he beamed with excitement! My baby is growing up….and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have two choices, I can wallow in my insecurity or I can be fully present and celebrate the various milestones of his life! I chose the latter.
I believe that I focused on the separation because my kids were becoming independent and I was fearful that they would no longer need me. What role will I now play in their lives? Have I outlived my usefulness as a mother? Will they still need me? Will they still love me? After experiencing teens, I am convinced that I will not outlive my usefulness and I will always be loved. As mothers, we cannot be selfish and give in to our insecurities. We need to acknowledge them and think about the ones who can be severely affected….our children. It is necessary for them to become independent. Our role is to encourage not hinder. Children, even babies can sense a parent’s anxiety. The last thing we need to do is cause them to feel unsafe at school because we are anxious. We don’t need them to worry that mom is sad to see them go to school. Why is mom crying, is school unsafe?
There’s no need for first day jitters…some of our children may be nervous as it is! Our role is to prepare them for the big day. Make it fun and encourage our big boys and girls! It can be very rewarding to see our children off to school with a big smile and a proud look on their faces. So tell them how proud you are of them. Reassure them that school is safe and that they’ll see you after school. They trust us, they need us, and they love us! They look to us for reassurance and comfort.
Even though school has begun, it’s not too late, send them off with a smile on your face and a tear in your heart. Not a tear of fear and insecurity, but a tear of joy and pride. You did good mom…your little one has made it! Good luck and have a balanced school year!!!